I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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