i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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