Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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