I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
