Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
