you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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