And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
