i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
