The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
