if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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