Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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