He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
