They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
