went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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