If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
