And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
