went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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