yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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