organizing the empties. That sober.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
