Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
