I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
