Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
