i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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