Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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