i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
