hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
