never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found a bag of teeth...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
