Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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