If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
