she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
