I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
