He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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