You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
