Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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