Kiss
Puke
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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