I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
