I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize