hotel room ftw
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
