Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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