the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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