Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and she was petting her beer can
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
