dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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