And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
