I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
