Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He felt like a one man threesome
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
