It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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