hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
