Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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