I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
