The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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