the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
