I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
