Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
