Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
