I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
