my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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