After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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