all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
