she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
