If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
