What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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