i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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