that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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