You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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