Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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