He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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